Stories from the present


To keep the wheels turning, they have to be round

When a horse breaks his legs before sunrise, stay at home for one week

When a tile falls from the roof, put another back the same day

When the moon rises faster than normal, make new plans for the following day

When one hears strange voices, open doors and windows

Thoughts will last longer in the sunlight

Never swim alone in dark water

If you have a troubled mind, say yes ten times before you drink your coffee

Never write at a table that isn’t stable

Never say words that you don’t like to hear

When a chicken looks at you for longer than 20 seconds, don’t eat it

When your radio breaks down during the news, never use it again

Never make a fire twice in one day

Talk to your friends before it is too late

When one sees a church, another one will not be far away

Always close the book, when the reading is done

Never wash the windows, if you can’t think what else to do

When someone tells you a story that you don’t want to hear, tell him he is good looking and invite him for dinner

Never eat sweet things, before visiting your mother

When there is a need to paint the house, go away for at least one week

If your father should die earlier than the sister of your mother, never buy blue flowers in the nearby florist

If a girl laughs at you, start to count the seconds; if the number endsin an odd number, tell her you are in love with her

Never drink hot milk, when you hear the sound of a crying baby

If you see three cars that are parked on the wrong side of the road, go home immediately

Never believe the other person to be right, when you have a headache

Never go swimming after a heavy meal

If you see a man with a hat three times a day, think of him as your father, but never let him enter your house

If you know someone, who is always telling you sad stories that make you cry, as long as she keeps on telling them, it is probable that something is wrong between you

Before you accept a dinner invitation from people you don’t know very well, visit them first to study their cat

If you think one of your friends has mental problems, examine the contents of his fridge

If you wake up in the morning and you’re angry, because you don’t know what you dreamed about, go for a long walk and follow the first man you see

To say good morning too loudly is bad for your stomach

If you want to sing, do not wait for the right occasion

“What I cannot do” lies in the graveyard next to “What I don’t want to do”

If you lose your way, always turn 3 times right before asking someone

The one who is first to say good morning, has to say so in the evening as well, if he sees the same person again

Count your steps, when you are climbing stairs you are not familiar with

Never run and speak at the same time

If you listened very carefully to people, you would have more to tell than before

To prolong your life, you must never take the same way back, when you go out for a walk; if you do so, don’t leave your walking stick outside the house

A good mood will sweeten your tea

Never shout at children, it will damage their ears

Never hit people, who still have to grow

If you think you have done something wrong, go to the toilet and promise yourself you will try again

Never speak when you brush your teeth

When you see someone in the mirror who is not in the room, do not touch him; if this happens after sunset, wait until the next morning before you tell anyone about it

If you are in a group of people and suddenly someone leaves, do not follow him; do not argue with the others who stayed; do not laugh for a while

If someone says the word “death”, do not close your eyes and do not laugh

If church bells start to ring, while you are playing with a ball, kick it as hard as you can into the air

If one of your mother’s neighbors has recently started to study a foreign language, tell your mother to do the same

He who knows the charms of his own smile, will never be lonely for long

He who suffers when other people laugh, must know he is in the wrong place

He who talks in his sleep, will never become a writer

The more you can give, the richer you will become

You can have the whole world, but without a key you cannot get into your house

He who doesn’t know that different horses make different sounds, has to think twice before speaking; if this doesn’t help, he mustn’t speak at all

If in the afternoon shadow covers more than half of your bed, go to sleep early

When you see a hole in the wall as big as your own head, you have to be very wary of pick -pocket for the whole day

Never say your address more than once, when you are on your way home

Add up all the figures of your pincode and multiply them by 2, if the result is more than 88, you were born after the second World War

The sun doesn’t rise all by itself

If you hear a bird that sings your name, you will live a very long time

Old trees are deep-rooted

High winds move slowly

It is easier to talk about the world, than to be part of it

When a car is driven fast it needs at least half of its speed in meters to stop

Silence is like a dark mirror

Your eyes are like burning coals on a ship to America

Young girls often don’t know what to say

If you see a woman with a bag full of shopping, she is probably a mother

If you see a man with a suitcase, a moustache and a pipe, he is probably a father of two children

Real fishermen cannot swim

If you are swimming in a lake and you find on the bottom of it 2 bones belonging to a monster, your name will be written on the front page of the newspaper

Never pick up the stone that caused you to fall

If you see a young boy crying on the street, ask him where his mother is

If the staircase on the first floor of your house turns to the left and the front door opens on the same side of the house as the back door, you must never sleep on your belly

If the fridgedoor opens on the same side as the bedroomdoor, you must always check if the lights are off before leaving the house

If 2 bulls break out on one day, you must stop smoking immediately

If you want people to leave your house, show them the garden and pick some flowers

If you find a gun on the street and it is loaded, give it to the police; if it is unloaded throw it away

If people you have never seen before ring your doorbell, open the door and ask their names and if they don’t reply, tell them who you are; if they don’t react, shut the door

If a man comes to you and tells you he knows your brother, ask him if he also knows that he is dead

If you see someone you know very well doing things you never thought he would do, you’re looking at a stranger

When you think you are the only sensible man in the world, go to the market and tell everybody; but do not sell your bike

Never look back if you go away

When it is dark and you hear strange voices, tell your girlfriend you love her

Do not accept that people understand why you are alive

When someone you know tells you he understands exactly what you mean, give him your shoes and see if they fit him; if they do, invite him for coffee; if they don’t fit him, hit him on the nose until it starts bleeding; when it stops leeding you should hit him again, when he falls down, tell him you have to go home

If a girl doesn’t want to dance with you, she probably thinks you are someone else; tell her your name and if she still doesn’t know you, say to her in a loud voice: I am dreaming

If you visit a city and all men are looking at you, then go to a quiet park and spit on the round; if you can interpret the shape of it, do not stay there and do not enter any shop

When you see a house on fire, don’t stare for too long because you will lose your memory

When someone shouts at you, do not tell him you can’t hear what he says

Never give your name when you pick up the phone

If one day on your way to the station you find three different things on the street, go to your little brother and tell him; if he doesn’t believe you, tell your sister; if she doesn’t believe you, go to your mother; if you can’t find her in her house, you must put the things you found back where you found them

If you go to bed early, you will sleep longer

If you remember the tune of a song you had forgotten for a long time, you will soon have a holiday

Wise people will find wisdom in other people

When it starts to rain at the very moment you start cooking a meal, the meal will be very good

When you see a house on fire and at the same time you see someone who is standing on his head, you must turn around and cry

If someone offers you a rose, when you are waiting at a red light, you must park your car and check your brakes

If you are going on a long trip with an old car, ask an old man to urinate against the front tires

If you want to know how many pages are left in the book you are reading, you must take any number between 12 and 31, multiply it by the date of the month, subtract this number from the number of the pages you have already read and then multiply it by the hour you woke up that morning and divide that number by 3. (If this number is more than your age, you should not read anymore!)

If you see a lightning strike a tree, you should not go to bed that night; if you do finally go to bed, put a glass of east Indian ink with a little bit of rice in it on the kitchen floor and close all the doors

If a cat looks at you and makes a strange noise, when you give it its food, you will forget to buy something when you go shopping the next day

The sun shines hotter for those who have no parasol

The nights are longer for he who doesn’t sleep

The days become longer, when you do not speak

Time becomes important, when you have nothing to do

The difference between poisoned water and clear water is not always detectable

You should never give your sympathy to people who lie and laugh at the same time

A fish can do strange things when it is in unfamiliar water

A good joke is not funny

When a child cries you know something is wrong

If you think you haven’t done much in life, then throw away all your books and put plants on your shelves instead; if your girlfriend says she likes the plants more than the books, you must start writing a poem immediately; but you must never tell her this

If you love the pen you write with, but you are not satisfied with the writing, you must accept the fact that your love isn’t great enough

I your smile doesn’t create a smile on the faces of those around you, then you know you are not among friends; but when they do smile and they make a sound louder than you would ever make, you also know you are not among friends

What can seem important at night, can be of no importance in daylight

Walking at night in a garden, reciting the names of the flowers, seems ridiculous

When there is a stairway, one has to go up most of the time

When you don’t know what to write anymore and it bothers you, wash your hands and feet with blue ink; start writing again when all the ink has been absorbed by the skin

If you don’t know how to make a sculpture anymore and it bothers you, hit your middle finger with heavy hammer; if it doesn’t bleed, you must go to your studio immediately; if it does bleed stop thinking about it

It takes two to make a fight

People who think life is but a joke, may they laugh forever or else, may they sing religious songs